Thursday, September 18, 2014
Wow what a difference a day makes. I a mentally telling myself this is worth it, but its like my brain does not want to admit what I am feeling. My daughter has so much energy. She is extremely smart and has always been advanced for her age. The thing is her energy can sometimes (who am I kidding), most of the times interfere with my thought process. I mean that's why parents go crazy. All you want is a few moments throughout the day where you can actually think a whole thought without a child bursting into your thought and completely throwing you off.
It is hardest when our financial situation is not the best. When I wake up and see how hard it is right now for us. Then I start to doubt the decisions I have made for my family. Why am I not in school full time right now? Oh yeah I can not afford daycare for two children. Let alone books, travel, tuition for school. And if I did get a full time job how much would we keep of that. Not enough to make a difference. It is still hard when situations hit me like a ton of bricks and I feel I have no where to turn.
My problem is I tend to scream when I am at the boiling point. I am the thermometer in the old cartoons that would fill up slowly with red. Till at the end there was steam coming out of it and its too late because the thermometer broke. It does not accomplish what I want it to. I want to be able to communicate to my kids that now it is time to listen without my neighbors hearing me.
Back to school. Back to life. Bye for now.